Episode 107 - The Legality of a Hair Diaper
Book of Doug Touchstones Episode Features * Official start of the 3-2-1 choice system, starting with only one choice. Featured Episode * Carman makes good on the promise from pre-d'Aulnoy times and forces the guys to read Our Lady's Child from the Grimm Brothers, overruling Tyler and Gordie's chanted, "Cabin in the Sky!" * Aarne-Thompson-Uther Classification type 710: The Black Madonna ** Not classified as Type 312: Bluebeard but has some similarities Overall Plot * A woodcutter and his wife have a three-year-old daughter and none money or food. * One day, the Virgin Mary comes to the woodcutter and offers to take care of the daughter. The woodcutter agrees. * Mary takes the kid to heaven and gives her the best life ever * On the girl's fourteenth birthday, Mary leaves for a trip. She leaves behind the keys to the thirteen doors of heaven but tells her not to open the thirteenth door or else she'll be in trouble * The girl starts to open all of the doors. Behind each one is one of the apostles. She wants to just look into the thirteenth door but the angels tell her no. * The angels leave and she opens the thirteenth door to find the Holy Trinity. She touches the light a little and her finger turns gold. * Mary returns and asks if she did the thing. They go back and forth with Mary asking if she did it and the girl lying about it. Mary kicks the girl out of heaven. * The girl wakes up in a thorn prison. She can't talk and she can't run away. She has to eat nuts and berries and live in a tree. * Time passes and her clothes rot away, so she covers herself with her long hair. * The king of that country cuts through the thorns and finds her. He asks her to leave, she nods, and he rides home with her. * They get married and after a year she births a son. Mary appears, asks about the forbidden door, and threatens to take the child if she lies. The Queen lies, so Mary takes the queen. People start talking about their definitely cannibal queen. * This happens twice more. The last time, Mary takes the Queen to heaven to see her two sons playing with "the ball of the world", but still lies about opening the door. Mary takes her newborn daughter. * The people demand a trial and the Queen is condemned to being burned alive. Her voice comes back to her, she confesses her sin, and Mary saves her and gives back the kids. She lives happily ever after. Discussion Points * Folklore junkies * Mangling Welsh pronunciations * What part of the human body do you eat first? ** Gordie: the non-essential parts first ** Carman: Toes ** Tyler: Fingies * What do you start with on a chocolate bunny? What does this say about you? ** Tyler and Carman: ears *** Type of person who is practical, organized, traditional, loyal, and values security. Much loved and sometimes impatient. ** Gordie: feet or arms *** Feet: You are caring, nurturing, and needs constant assurance. You are afraid of being taken advantage of. You cling to things. ** Starting with the butt means you take the road less travelled ** Starting with the crotch means you're insufferable (according to Carman) * New government agencies: regulating online dating decorum and children's toys that make noise * The Gummy Bears kids cartoon * In heaven, guns are made of clouds and shoot cloud bullets and all crimes are basically pretend cloud crimes * Kingdom Hearts is difficult for some people (Carman and Gordie) to adjust to * Disney movies Cars and All Dogs Go to Heaven * The girl's bathroom situation in the thorn desert ** Tyler: Hair diaper ** Carman: none ** Gordie: a state of the art bathroom inside of her tree * Dictator!Gordie would make it punishable by law to have a hair diaper * What is "the ball of the world"? * What happened to the girl's parents? * Gordie asks listeners to send him "good" websites. Not diaper hair websites, good ones. * Repentance when you're literally about to die might not be heartfelt. The moral of this story isn't as clearcut as it seems. * It would be better if the girl saw her children happy in heaven and decided to keep lying so they could stay there and happy. * Should you give children a reward for coming clean after lying? ** Gordie: Yes, but it should be a tiny reward disproportionate to a draconian punishment ** Carman: Absolutely not, just lift the punishment and have an honest discussion * You should definitely pit your children against each other to make them strong * This story is the answer to the Beatles' "Lady Madonna" * That thorn wilderness was definitely not a desert but might have been a temporarily interdimensional space * Modern equivalents of the bluebeard: ** Don't vote for the orange despot! ** You can go to Whole Foods and Trader Joe's but not the fast food restaurant! Notable Quotes * Gordie: It's been two years. I think we have earned the right to classify as we choose at this point. And that does include which authors wrote what. * Tyler: I was unfamiliar with Mary being characterized as a scheister. * Gordie: What's in thirteenth door? Tyler: Xehanort. * Carman: It is deeply uncomfortable for me to watch an anime boy, a brightly colored Day of the Dead triceratops, and Pluto wandering around. * Gordie: If your hair can get, like, trapped in your sin places then it should be illegal. You can't do that! It's not allowed. * Carman: Gordie's gonna get, like, 40 rick rolls and a hentai site. Category:Episodes